The Cullens
by jellycakes
Summary: Another silly tale for my amusement, not meant to be taken seriously.


It was in the Mike Newton's store where I first laid eyes on them. Seven of them standing together, looking at fishing rods. Each of them beautiful with their white as tipp-ex skin and curry sauce coloured eyes. "Who are _they_?" I whispered to Jessica, trying to hide my gaze beneath my hair.

"Oh that's the Cullen's" she answered sternly "Don't even bother.. They think they're so above everyone else" No wonder I thought. If I had looks like that I definitely would too.

"What's the one with the bronze hair called?" She looked at me then, a sneer appearing across her gossiping shitty face.

"Edward..Don't think you have a chance in hell Bella. Stick with Mike, honestly"

"Fuck you Jess, I'm way better looking than you." I smiled turning and walking towards the amazing looking beings. I had to speak to them. "Hi you sexy beasts" I said confidently as I approached them. They all turned simultaneously and stared at me. I was about to speak again when the bronzed hair one named Edward hissed like a cat and ran for the door. "What did I do?" I questioned them, startled by his reaction.

"You hideous human" the blonde girl growled " Don't you dare speak to us again. We are far too superior and awesome for the likes of you" She finished, spitting in my face. The spit smelt fantastic, if they hadn't been looking at me I would have lapped it up, cherishing it forever.

"I'm so terribly sorry about that" the one in the doctors coat said "Edward finds your blood to smell fandabbydosey and Rosalie is just jealous because you didn't get raped like she did"

"Blood?" I asked. How could my blood smell good? The amount of times I'd fallen over my clumsy self id ought to know. It smelt like rusty spoons to me. Hardly a nice smell.

"Carlisle, you have said far too much!" another said quickly " We must leave and get back to our massive mansion"

"Yes, we must" Carlisle retorted, looking over me once more "We'll be seeing you around Bella. Alice just told me so haha, try and figure that out you fool of a took" With that they were gone. I had only blinked for a second and they had vanished. It was just me and Mike now, who had came to stand next to me, groping for my hand.

"Please come to the dog kennels with me Bella. I want to be your golden retriever so badly"

"Get off me!" I shrieked, pulling away from him.

"Sorry, sorry. I just really need a home" He had started crying, pressing his face into some fleece coats.

"You mooching stray. Go and whimper to someone who cares" I had started to head for the door before my sentence was finished. Jumping in my old red banger I kangarooed down the road.

I groaned as I pulled myself out of bed. Last nights sleep had been patchy and Charlie had kept coming in and spying on me, snapping a camera when he thought I was asleep. Pervert. I'd deal with that another rainy green Forks days though, today I had school and I was intrigued to see if any of the Cullen's would be in my classes. Entering the school parking lot I swerved in an attempt to get a park. The ice on the road was too thick and my car skidded into the one next to mine. Oh no wait. That wasn't a car. It was Billy Black and his wheelchair "Bella.." he whispered as I pushed my door open, smacking him in his russet skin face "Stay away from Edward Cullen. He's no good"

"Think I'm going to listen to you, chief eagle goat? Think again" I laughed, stepping over him, making sure I kicked and punchered his wheels some more. What a mong, and I just knew he'd be lying there dying, thinking he was going to become a spirit warrior. Hillarious.

Stepping into biology I saw him sitting there. Edward Cullen. My heart started to pound in my chest and I peed my pants. No time to change now though. I wandered over and took the seat next to him. He recoiled and shimmed to the edge of the table. Grabbing a pencil he snapped it in half, roaring loudly. Next he picked up a ruler and snapped that too. "Hi beautiful" I grinned moving closer to him.

"Stay away from me" he hissed.

"Why?" I laughed, he couldn't be serious.

" You stink of piss" he whined, turning his nose up in the air.


End file.
